Compare the original thesis not specific and clear enough with the revised version much more specific and clear : Original thesis: Although the timber wolf is a timid and gentle animal, it is being systematically exterminated.
Does your thesis include a comment about your position on the issue at hand? Tips: Avoid merely announcing the topic; your original and specific "angle" should be clear. In this way you will tell your reader why your take on the issue matters. Original thesis: In this paper, I will discuss the relationship between fairy tales and early childhood.
Revised thesis: Not just empty stories for kids, fairy tales shed light on the psychology of young children. Original thesis: We must save the whales. Revised thesis: Because our planet's health may depend upon biological diversity, we should save the whales. When you make a subjective judgment call, specify and justify your reasoning. Original thesis: Socialism is the best form of government for Kenya. Revised thesis: If the government takes over industry in Kenya, the industry will become more efficient.
Avoid merely reporting a fact. Say more than what is already proven fact. Go further with your ideas. Otherwise… why would your point matter? Original thesis: Hoover's administration was rocked by scandal. Revised thesis: The many scandals of Hoover's administration revealed basic problems with the Republican Party's nominating process. Finally, transitions make your writing sound more professional and less like spoken language.
Here is my step-by-step guide: Use the transition list as you write: Think about how the sentences in your paragraph are related to one another. If you are comparing and contrasting two ideas, then use the "Showing Contrast" transition words see list below. Are you writing about steps in a process? Then use the "Adding to an Idea" transition words below. Using the transition list while you are revising: Sometimes, it is easier not to worry about these words until your final draft stage, especially if you are a beginning writer.
How do you do this? Use the following tips: Go through your first draft and circle the first word in every sentence. If you use the same word to start a sentence twice in a paragraph, then you need to choose another transition word and re-word the sentence. Some people think that the cause of rising obesity is lack of individual self-control; however, the truth is that the growing waistlines are caused by corporations that secretly add sugar to make foods more addictive; technology which has made people less active, and more tied to their work; and portions sizes in restaurants, which have ingrained overeating into our habits.
Evaluation: Does Recycling make a difference? Although, indeed, one person's recycling may not make much of a difference, in fact, when all of us join together, we can make a difference because when we all recycle: less waste goes into landfills, reusing things becomes more natural, and people get into better habits.
Explaining: How does playing a sport affect young people? Most people would say that learning how to play is the most important thing children get from a sport. In fact, children who play sports gain even more from learning about teamwork, realizing they must overcome defeat, and accepting their own place on a team.
Argument: Should parents be concerned if their children are obsessed with horror movies? Although many people scoff at the idea of movies as really influencing our behavior, in reality, parents need to be concerned about what their children are watching because children often can't tell truth from fiction, violent images desensitize us to real violence, and kids who watch violence obsessively may be exhibiting signs of deeper emotional problems.
Expository: Is there only one way to write a great thesis statement? Although this article might make you think that there is only one perfect thesis statement method, in fact, you can write good thesis statements in several different ways; however, by following the method described here you will learn an easy way to write a complex thesis idea that will not only impress your instructor but will also help you to write your essay easily.
If you do this in exchange with a friend or classmate, rest assured that whether you are the talker or the listener, your articulation skills will develop. Questions to ask yourself Am I sure what each word I use really means? Am I positive, or should I look it up? Have I found the best word or just settled for the most obvious, or the easiest, one?
Am I trying too hard to impress my reader? Sometimes it helps to answer this question by trying it out loud. How would you say it to someone? What are the key terms of my argument? Can I outline out my argument using only these key terms?
What others do I need? Which do I not need? Have I created my own terms, or have I simply borrowed what looked like key ones from the assignment? Are my key terms too specific? Do they cover the entire range of my argument? Can I think of specific examples from my sources that fall under the key term? Are my key terms too vague? Do they cover more than the range of my argument?
Works consulted We consulted these works while writing this handout. Please do not use this list as a model for the format of your own reference list, as it may not match the citation style you are using. For guidance on formatting citations, please see the UNC Libraries citation tutorial. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Anson, Chris M.Next, I explain that my opinion is correct with several key reasons. Parallel form: In a list, be careful that all of the phrases are in the same form. Bean, and June Johnson. In the above persuasive thesis, you can see my opinion about Narnia followed by three clear reasons. Good: Given the grueling surgery and lifelong changes they endure, kidney donors should be financially compensated for their act of self-sacrifice. Sometimes we have to use our key terms several times within a paper, especially in topic sentences.
Sometimes we have to use our key terms several times within a paper, especially in topic sentences. What are the key terms of my argument?
What's in it for me? Example: C. Thesis Statements What this handout is about This handout describes what a thesis statement is, how thesis statements work in your writing, and how you can craft or refine one for your draft.
Are you writing something that happens in order?
One way to revise the thesis would be to write: Because the Internet is filled with tremendous marketing potential, companies should exploit this potential by using Web pages that offer both advertising and customer support. New York: Riverhead Books,
For example, if you're writing a seven-to-ten page paper on hunger, you might say: World hunger has many causes and effects. See what you can add to give the reader a better take on your position right from the beginning. Are my key terms too vague? Ramage, John D. Look at how they are used in context and check their dictionary definitions.
Use a variety of transition words, not the same one. By literally spelling out some possibilities for yourself, you will be able to make better decisions. We also have guides to help anyone make APA citations for books, websites, and other sources. But the question did not ask you to summarize; it asked you to analyze.
Can you finish the sentence with any one of the items? This final thesis presents a way of interpreting evidence that illuminates the significance of the question. Without a thesis, your argument falls flat and your information is unfocused. Shape your topic so that you can get straight to the "meat" of it. A thesis is the result of a lengthy thinking process.
Version 2: The contrasting river and shore scenes in Huckleberry Finn suggest a return to nature. Use: next, then, in fact, similarly, or a time word like first, second, third, and finally.
However, because a thesis statement can contain an entire argument in just a few words, it is worth taking the extra time to compose this sentence. The rest of the paper, the body of the essay, gathers and organizes evidence that will persuade the reader of the logic of your interpretation.
Now, you can hone in your research on solo travel through Europe, the need for independence, and its positive effect on personal confidence. Both the argument and your thesis are likely to need adjustment along the way. Source Using One Topic to Write 8 Questions Here is a sample of the different kinds of essay questions you can come up with using the topic of "Horror Movies.
For more on thesis statements in general, please refer to our handout. Sentence; transition, sentence Example: I agree with Stephen King that horror movies are very popular; however, I disagree that watching them keeps people from doing violence.